Celebrating Mother’s Day without mom

A mother’s happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories.  ~Honoré de Balzac

While every day should be Mother’s Day, it is something unique to receive cards and crafts the children prepared in school and be showered with slurpy kisses by some of my favorite people in the world.

I enjoy my loving hugs and kisses and special wishes on Mother’s Day. They are however accompanied by the memory of the breakfasts in bed I’d prepare for my Mom growing up, partnered by a card and occasionally one of her own perfumes rewrapped and presented to her. Those memories live on, if even my mother does not.

The past eight and a half years have taught me more than my life PM (pre-Mommy). I have learnt to nurture and raise my children without my own mother to come care for us when we’re sick, watch the kids if we want to go out, or simply call to ask the most mundane of parenting question.

You know those Hallmark images of three generations of woman sitting side by side? I will never know those, at least not at this stage of my life.

It’s okay though. I look back at the past 3/4 of a decade and am thankful for all that I have learnt. I feel my desire to share the loving memories from my Mom has helped me push myself as a parent. Sometimes it’s as simple as learning that complicated traditional recipe my Mom used to make early on a Sunday morning that would permeate our bodies with warmth and love.

In the early days of motherhood I would long for that motherly feeling. I would half joke with my girlfriends if I could just tag along with them for dinner with their Moms. In the same way, the slightest motherly inclination would reduce me to tears.

Since then I have grown and realized that no matter how much I long for, cry for, or miss my mother, it will not bring her back. So instead I focus on bringing the warm, loving, comforting memories of her to my family. It saddens me still when my daughter asks me, did Nanni Ammi (maternal grandmother) used to cook as good as you? I tell her no, better.

It’s been difficult at times, and that’s all par for the course. I know now, that when somebody tells me to “get over it,” they’re delusional. I will never get over the loss of my Mother. I will however accept it. I smile when I hear friends gloat over how their moms spoil them rotten. I am happy for them. There is nothing I can do to change the fact my mom is gone. At the very least, I remind those around me to take the time to cherish and appreciate their own parents, as we have no idea what a blessing they are until they are gone.

I am blessed to have experienced those memories. A friend recently shared her own story with me. She told me that while she still has her Mother, their relationship is very different from what I describe. She never knew many of the things I speak of. She reminded me to be thankful for the memories I do have, and to cherish them.

So this Mother’s Day, I will enjoy my day, enjoy my family and also enjoy the memories I carry with me. Life is short, and while there is not a single day that passes that I do not pray for my Mom, I will use those strong feelings of warmth and love to help guide me through my own journey as a Mother. Happy Mother’s day Ma.