I’m a student Mom

So here I am. A writer. A freelance journalist. I’ve freelanced for newspapers, newsletters, student publications, been interviewed for radio, ghostwritten company newsletters and ran a few highly successful Public Relations campaigns. All seemingly a piece of cake. Here I am wanting to blog.

Not sure how to. What to write about, what witty, insightful and wise comments to make about society, how to improve the lives of those around me and so on. All the things great bloggers have pondered before me. For some reason, I am not able to. It’s not for lack of want or lack of options. It’s simply due to the mosaic of insanity that is my life.

Tonight, it all unravelled; or started to. I suppose I should start at the beginning. As a woman, as a mother and a wife, we juggle. As time goes on, we become master jugglers. We manage our homes, our kids, their homework, practices, boo-boos, runny noses, comment on their artistic masterpieces, cook, clean, run errands, juggle highly demanding outside of the house jobs, or work from home and sometimes even do many of these things while in school. Wait. That’s right, I said school. Did I confuse you? I shouldn’t have. Due to a plethora of reasons, ranging from the economic downturn, changing careers, unfulfilled dreams, more adults than ever before are returning to school. I happen to be one of them.

GASP! I have let the secret out the bag. Yes, that’s right. The dirty little secret that makes some shift uncomfortably when they hear it. That would be those people who don’t straight out say “oh, what you never finished school?” or “what’s the point of going back to school now, you’re married with kids, why don’t you stay home and bake cookies while working on art projects?” Well, there are many things I’d say to those people, some words are less kind than others. At least, I used to. I’ve come to the stage in my life when I couldn’t care less, most of the time. Yes, I married young, I had kids shortly after that. These are decisions I made, and am proud to have made. Do I look at single, highly fashionable friends of mine who get married later in life, have these elaborate fairy-tale weddings, followed by intense globe-trotting, cocktail parties and clearly photoshopped Facebook pictures and think “Dang!”. At times, yes. GASP! It’s true. But then, at some point down the road, I also look at my healthy children, supportive husband and the life we have built for ourselves and think, “this is kinda cool.”

So, yes, as I mentioned, I am in school. After spending five years living and raising my family in the outskirts of Toronto, I have moved back to Montreal with the encouragement and support of my husband to complete my degree. Masters? PhD? Nope. Undergrad. I’m not ashamed of it. I’m proud to (hopefully) complete what I once started. It’s hard. Being a student while living at home with your parents, and having to do little else than attend class and take care of your own personal hygiene is a whole different story than juggling homework, assignments, appointments, recitals, sports practice, household chores, and everything else under the sun all while, say studying for a midterm. There are moments, such as tonight where I think “what am I doing?!” “This is really tough!” “I just can’t do it!” As mothers, there are times when we juggle so well for so long that it might not take a whole lot, a tiny pebble along the road to make us drop it ALL. At least that’s what it feels like at the moment. I’ve heard many speak, write, and tweet about Motherly Guilt. It’s a term we are all familiar with. Yes, I’ve gone and spoken about that elephant in the room. The same elephant that every single mother deals with. Even the Martha-Stewart-my-house-is-always-clean-and-smelling-like-freshly-baked-apple-pie type deal with it. It’s a fact of life. I have come to accept it. To each, she takes on a different form. Her poisonous bite stings the same no matter who she will attack. It’s the same reason I don’t mind serving soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner occasionally at any other time of the year, but once I am STUDENT MOM, it’s nothing less than fine dining for my family. At least, that’s what I feel I have to do. If the Tuesday morning pancakes are not shaped like Batman and hearts with chocolate chips, fresh berries and sliced cheese on the side, MG tries to get in. I have had many concerned friends and family members tell me to “take it easy,” or to just “relax,” but the truth is, I have not yet learnt how to. And yet, here I am opening myself up to the blogosphere…