Keeping in touch

Keeping in touch. For some, it’s simple. They surround themselves with few friends, and may or may not keep in touch with family. For others, it feels like a monumental task in which one simply cannot win.

The stage of life I’m in, my number one priority no longer is keeping in touch. Some people need to understand that’s not about to change any time soon. No matter how much drama, nagging or passive aggressive comments are made, as a mother, wife, and human being I can only do so much.

This is a statement of fact. My last post garnered more feedback then I ever could have anticipated. For a week after blogging, I continued to receive emails, text messages and emotional phone calls from friends and family that had simply drifted away. I guess it was my reference to having lost membership to a community that I once accepted as my own that prompted a large proportion of the responses.

I’m a social being. I love keeping in touch when I can. I love to reconnect with this family member, or that friend. I thoroughly enjoy those two minute catch up phone calls as I help my daughter with homework while cooking supper. Keywords being WHEN I CAN.

Our lives are busy. I’ve learned to accept that. As the kids get older, their needs and demands change. Catching up with friends and family when nursing a newborn was one thing. Keeping every family member (on both sides of the marital equation) updated with every nuance of our daily lives is simply not something I can or will do.

I cringe at the thought of speaking to person BLANK who I know will commence the conversation with “oh, so now you remember us?” or “hi stranger.” I get it, you’d love for  me to call every chance I get. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen. I haven’t called you. I also haven’t lost my memory. I remember who you are. By not making those snide remarks or ill intended references, you’ll actually get more of my attention and therefore may be bumped up a few lines on my ever present list of phone calls to make.

In some instances, misunderstandings can be simple. I recently reconnected with a family member who had thought I was upset with them. This is someone who holds a great deal of importance in my life. They had called months ago, I was rushing to an appointment and lost reception while in a parking garage. They assumed I hung up on them. That was it. A lifelong relationship was placed on the emotional back-burner, seething and simmering away because of poor reception. This was a long distance call, and calling back immediately was not an option for me at the time.

There’s enough emotional drama people inflict on each other intentionally in life, that it’s time someone address the unintentional drama that sometimes unfolds.

MISUNDERSTANDING

Best friends sometimes move away. I’ve moved in and out of town enough times to know what that is like. I also know what it’s like to lose a best friend. It hurts, really, really, bad. It hurts so much worse once you realize that there was never any ill intent. Life just happened. So many moments wasted. So many opportunities lost, in some cases, because of simple misunderstandings. Don’t let that happen to you. Mistakes happen. Before letting go of a relationship that is really near and dear to you, make sure the other person is actually letting go.

UNDERSTANDING

Similarly, there always needs to be room for understanding. Life is hard. People go through some really tough times. If you have a friend or family member that you feel is snubbing you, keeps canceling on you, or just appears to lose interest in your life, there’s a good possibility it’s not about you. GASP! Yes, it may not revolve around you. Employ understanding. Ask if they’re okay. Ask if they need anything. If the opportunity presents itself, ask if something’s up. Don’t assume. These days, it seems like people, woman especially, are master jugglers. From kids, jobs, degrees, family and dinner parties the list goes on. Not to mention their relationships with their spouse, kids, and others as well.

RESPECT

Nuff said. Unless you have reason to assume you are the BE all and the END all in that person’s life, back off. Give them some respect. Sometimes all a person really needs is some space to grow, heal and revitalize.

Having friends and family in different cities is a blessing. Embrace it. Accept that you may not hear from someone for a few months, maybe a couple of years even. When you see or talk to them, don’t kill the moment by nagging them.

Oh, and never, ever, ever play the “you’re too busy to talk to me, but you have time for so and so card. EVER.” Instant bottom of that list of people to call. Well behind names of friends, acquaintances, kids’s friend’s parents, even lower than the electrician. That line promotes you to the top of the “people I will intentionally block out of my life” list. Pinky promise.

At the end of the day, keeping in touch is incredibly important. It’s what connects us as human beings; be it as family members or as friends. However there are times and circumstances when respectfully giving a person space is equally important. You may not agree with me, and that’s okay, it won’t make me change my mind. At the end of the day, we still need to respect one another.