Why It Is Not Alright to Call Someone an F’ing Terrorist
I don’t normally share things like this but feel that I need to. I shared this post on my Facebook page and with the flood of responses and encouraging emails/texts and phonecalls, I figured I had to blog about it. My husband and I recently took our daughter and a dozen of her friends to the movies. It was a children’s movie matinée. Our group took up an entire row in the theatre and so I sat right in front of them. A few minutes before the show began, a visible minority family walked in and sat next to me, one seat down. The lights dimmed and the previews started. We were off to a great start. The kids sat behind us munching on their popcorn, slurping their drinks, eager to see the movie start.
A couple of our boys started slurping their drinks a little louder (which is what is likely to happen with a bunch of eight and nine year olds). I looked back a couple of times and asked them to keep it down as we didn’t want to disturb anyone else. The woman sitting beside me however thought it alright to turn around and tell my group of kids: “YOU ARE SO ANNOYING.” While this was rude and uncalled for (there were kinder ways to ask kids to quiet down), I did not say anything to her, but rather smiled at the boys and asked them to keep it down.
This woman then proceeded to use her cellphone for the following twenty minutes. When I leaned over and asked her to please put it away as it was very bright, she started yelling and swearing at me. She called me an F’ing racist and that my kids needed to learn their manners. Which if nothing else was ironic (I’m guessing she didn’t get a good look at me because it was dark). When she continued using profanity at me and my group I went and got a theatre manager. When I returned she continued to use profanity for “ratting her out”. After an exchange with theatre management her husband (who had been relatively quiet until this point) started yelling that his wife did nothing wrong and this *itch (me) was causing the trouble.
The managers stepped in and asked the couple (with their roughly three year old daughter) to leave the theatre. I moved to the side but not before she AND her husband yelled at me in the crowded theatre and called me an F’ing TERRORIST repeatedly. I slumped down in my seat when they left the room and I felt my body shake. I looked back at the kids who were staring ahead at the screen. None of them made eye contact with me. I wasn’t sure how much they had heard or if they were just trying to be polite and not comment on what had just happened. While I maintained my calm for the sake of my daughter and her friends, I cannot get the incident out of my mind.
I had thought to keep this to myself. I had thought to just let it go but the fact is, I live in the province and country where I was born and I am proud. This is my home. I speak up for those who have experienced racism and hatred. I speak up now because I stayed silent for my daughter. I stayed silent out of respect for her friends who only wanted to enjoy an afternoon of fun. But right now, I write. I write because it is NEVER alright to call someone a F’ing terrorist unless they have just killed or terrorized people. The same way we would never dare to use the N word or attack people of the Jewish faith.
I write because I am tired of walking on eggshells. I get it. There’s a lot of politics out there. There are some genuinely bad Muslims. The same way there are genuinely bad Christians, Atheists, and the list goes on. To throw an entire race or religion under one hateful umbrella of a word is unacceptable. Some of my closest friends are Mormon, Jewish and Atheists. Their faith plays little part in our friendship. If anything it encourages us to get to know one another, to share baked goods on our holidays and teach our kids what it means to live in a pluralistic society. To teach our kids that a persons faith or the colour of their skin does not make them any better or worse than anyone else. That it is their character and how they are with others that makes them a good person.
Does the colour of my skin or the fact that I wear a piece of cloth on my head make it alright to lambast me in public in front of my child and her friends?
While I am cognizant that this woman and her husband do not represent an entire race, I write this because this happens all too often. Religious and visible minorities experience racism, hatred and vile comments such as this more often than you might care to think. I write this because the next time someone of a different faith, culture or skin colour than you ticks you off, choose another adjective to express yourself. It is NEVER alright to call someone an F’ing Terrorist.
WELL SAID!!
It is so wrong that this happened to you and I am so glad you chose to write about it.
Thank you Tara. It was not an easy decision to make. I chose to write about it for all the people who experience incidents such as this but feel helpless and keep it to themselves.
You were obviously treated poorly, but your false equivalence of race and religion is nonsense. Race is immutable, religion is not.
So I suppose this makes the person’s actions acceptable then in your opinion?
Fariha, it makes the comments a great deal LESS unacceptable than racist ones. Sorry – you are CHOOSING to believe in nonsense. You are CHOOSING to wrap your head in sheets and believe in gibberish. It is fair for people to judge others for their CHOICES.
Totally agree…she looks ridiculous in that hideous hijab…and what it represents is radical Islam…sorry dear but we are not buying your BS anymore in the Western world…..
Wow what an unbelievable statement Steven. Belief and Race ‘both’ are immutable in the context that the article was written in. It is unacceptable to extrapolate that all black people are effing lazy Niggers just like the statement by a bigot like Daniel Pipes is unacceptable that 25% of all Muslims are terrorists. I personally think Steven, that your arrogance in denying the many, many signs of God that are staring you right in the face is pathetic and down right stupid really, I would still not judge or extrapolate that your ‘belief’ (how ever wrong they may be) would cause you to go out and take an action to harm other people. That’s the context of the wonderful article that Fariha wrote …
Adnan, I’m not in any way “sticking up” for Steven. However – as an atheist myself. Your comment that “I would still not judge or extrapolate that your ‘belief’ (how ever wrong they may be) would cause you to go out and take an action to harm other people.” has no merit with regards to the context of this post or EVER for that matter. Why? Because NEVER in our history have atheists “terrorized” in the name of Atheism. Also, and I’m a stickler for semantics – atheism is not a belief. It’s a non-belief. There is a big difference, especially in “our” world (the world in which atheists live). Thanks, I hope you understand what I’m trying to convey.
What was said to the woman who wrote this post is flat out bigotry. It was wrong and hurtful.
Adnan Khan’s comments make little sense; but such is to be expected from religious people. “Many many signs of God”, people like Adnan Khan are scary – and had I the choice, I wouldn’t want them immigrating here or living here long term. Your stupid religious beliefs are not sacrosanct and are NOTHING like race – which you are born with and CANNOT CHANGE. I know this is a difficult concept for small brained religious people – but try and think about it.
How awful. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. Thanks for sharing – I hope it will shed light on the fact that adults can be so rude at times.
Oh man. Terrible. And amplified because CHILDREN. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You did handle it with grace and dignity in the moment and I commend you for writing about it Fariha.
This post seriously made me cry! It breaks my heart thinking about it but I have to admit that I was once like the people you ran into. Not because I’m racist but because it was something around me (peers), and I was/am a minority (orientation minority) and think, looking back, that my ignorance came from my own rejection and self hatred! I GUARANTEE this is the case with the majority of those people that spew their venom. I look back at the way I was when I was younger and am honestly ashamed. I’m so sorry that world is the way it is towards you and your race Fariha, I pray that someday soon the world will be rid of hatred towards race/religion and orientation!
Amen to that
Thank you for sharing your story.
What a horrible thing to do to someone! Hugs!!! I always see on Facebook people writing something about “Christians” and then other people writing how all Christians are nuts. While I firmly admit I am crazy that isn’t b/c I am a Christian. I firmly believe that the Christians who are acting out aren’t real Christians at all. Just people who use the label. So I totally get what you are saying, and I totally agree it is NEVER ok to say that.
I am so sorry you had to go through this lovely – you did nothing wrong and the ignorance is all on their part. It’s a shame it had to happen like that, and in front of the kids too. Maybe you should talk to them about it and get their thoughts on it out – and make sure they realize that nothing is wrong with them or you and that the fault was in the prejudice that just occurred. Hatred is never a good thing – and this type of hatred of an entire culture and religion and ALL their practices is just ignorant. *hugs* lady – I am not going to say nothing like this is never going to happen again, but I will say that I support you 100% and when you decide to speak up about it, I’ll be right there behind you – I got your back!
I think the saddest part about this is that the story does not surprise me in the least.
I am sorry you had to deal with it.
For all the nice sweet and polite us Canadians have gotten for a reputation for some reason we still have an appalling number of bigoted racists and hate filled people, That is not the Canada I love but it is our seedy underbelly showing through
So sorry you went through this….it seems the words *u&king terrorist has become a common insult.
Do not let it get you down, so glad you spoke up about it.
seems to me, she was the one doing the terrorizing…
I am SO very sorry to hear this has happened to you. In this day and age, you would think people have a broader sense of inclusion, and be more open minded. It hurts me to hear and see this happen. I am in an interracial/inter religious (however neither are practicing…these are minor details!) relationship. I know how hard it can be to get people to understand and accept differences. Hopefully, one day we can all live in harmony and accept one another for who we are. Stay strong.
totally not acceptable, but something I have experienced quite a few times in the past few years too, with similiar words. It’s sad that sometimes it doesn’t even shock, cos we get used to it! I hope this person will eventually learn and open their mind a bit! first time coming across your blog, so hi and salam from the uk 🙂 will go have a look around!
and don’t we feel so sad for that couple’s 3 year old daughter …. i can only imagine the tone of the “teachable moment” in their car on the way home from the theatre. I’m curious to hear what your crew’s 8-9-10 yr old impressions were.
p.s. a DOzEn kids? You’re coo-coo for co-coa puffs, girflriend!!! I hope you had some cinema coupons, at least (;
My heart truly hurts reading this. There is absolutely no excuse for the way that woman and her husband behaved and the awful things they said. Even worse, they did this without a hint of regret in front of CHILDREN ….. I can only imagine what their 3-year-old is going to be like when she grows up ….. So very sad ….. You are a beautiful and strong woman Fariha and no amount of words can EVER take that from you ….. *Hugs*
wow, they should be ashamed of themselves, that is disgusting behaviour! I am so sorry that happened to someone as nice as you.
Thank you Jennifer. I appreciate your kind words.
I clicked “Like” on your Facebook when I read this earlier today because I wanted to show immediate support and didn’t have time to write more here. What I really want is a “Dislike” button. It never ceases to amaze me what comes out of people’s mouths, let alone what must be in their narrow-minded brains. I am so sorry that you, your family and other people in that theatre had to witness this exchange. I am sorry this exchange even happened. The world is a work in progress and while I see progress in many areas, sometimes I feel we are regressing in others. I hope your heart and mind find peace with this horrific episode. xo
When I read this today on your FB page, I cried. All that hate breaks my heart. I’m sorry, my friend.
Are you crying for all the daily victims of islamic terrorism the world over too? Or just for radical islamists who are called bad names?
Thank you for posting this, for articulating clearly without perpetuating the kind of hate you experienced. Interestingly, I posted on a similar front with respect to not accepting nor perpetuating hate speak. Of u would like to read my post it is found here: gilliancornwall.blogspot.ca
Wishing you peace and joy.
I think it’s good you decided to share your story with all of us. People should know hatred and racism is not tolerable. We should never allow people to be treated this way. Keep speaking up, we are standing by your side.
Thank you very much Marie-Aimée. I appreciate your support.
My sister’s ex husband and his family are Muslims, and they are the calmist, non-violent people I know. They, like me don’t spank their kids, they are kind, the most welcoming people in the world, etc. AND even though we are now the “ex” side of the family, they still (and we do too) call us family. They send our children gifts for Christmas although they don’t personally celebrate, and I send their children prizes, fresh eggs (the babies LOVE boiled eggs for some reason) and over all we just get along well. I can’t imagine someone calling them terrorists because they are just such passive and kind people. However, my sister said after 2011 for a while she had to keep her daughter inside because of the horrible things people would say. People who don’t even know them. I am sorry this happened to you, and I think it is wonderful to share this. .
Thank you for sharing your story Allyson.
What has our world become? This saddens me on so many levels. I thought Canada was a place of acceptance and diversity.. And in front of children? I am so sorry you had to go through this
Thanks for sharing Fariha *hugs*. Beautifully written as always 🙂 While I am not a visible Muslim, I have experienced only minor racism, All I can say is that things like can only make you stronger (iA) and pity those who act in such a way. They lack education and to think that poor child is growing up in such an ignorant family is really sad. I can’t imagine what the world will be like when our kids are all grown up. I pray for our children.
Wow! I am so sorry to hear about this Fariha. This woman’s ignorance can have devastating lasting impact on you, and your daughter and her friends. I hope you won’t give her the power. Please call me to talk it through. I truly believe that while racism played a huge role, this women would have used any word that come to mind to label you as something or other. This really is her issue. Not yours. It hurts me to think that one or more of the kids will be scared by it if they don’t get a forum to discuss it. They usually hear everything. It would be great if you can somehow figure out a way to start a dialogue with all of them. A way for them to process it in a way that allows them to learn from it and move on, rather than being scarred by it for years and perhaps even decades. I’m around today and ready to listen. Peg
I can’t believe this happened to you and this seriously breaks my heart! What a great post because you’re bringing this to light. More people need to be aware that this is NOT ok, and that it’s never ok to treat others in this way. Thank you for sharing and I hope you never have to go through something so awful again. HUGS
I am so sorry that happened to you! I can’t believe how small-minded some people can be. The thing that gets me is how ignorant racism is. A small sect of really horrible people orchestrated an attack that killed thousands, so all people who even look like the members of that sect in any way must be guilty? What about the Oklahoma City bombing? That was orchestrated by a white male. What about all the serial killers throughout history? The majority were, again, white males. What about the Burning Times, in which thousands of women were murdered because they were suspected of being witches (which, as a Pagan, bothers me greatly). Orchestrated by the Catholic church. Nazi Germany? White male. Pearl Harbor? The Japanese. Do we hate all white men, Catholics, Germans and the Japanese because of a few bad eggs? I don’t think so!
The sad thing is, there will always be people like that. There will always be people who look at your race, religion or any other detail they don’t like and judge you for it. Racism and prejudice goes back to the beginning of mankind I’m sure. Despite that, it is still important for good people to speak out against it. I totally understand why you didn’t want to make a scene in the theater. You were thinking of keeping the peace for your daughter. I applaud you for speaking out here though!
I have very little sympathy with you and disagree with your analogies. You choose to wrap your head in a silly sheet in honor of your ridiculous beliefs – that is NOT the same as being born black, white, asian or anything else. The latter are immutable characteristics, you choose to associate yourself with a laughably stupid belief system invented by ignorant (by any modern standard) barbarians. I am an atheist and detest most religions equally, but your religion, Islam, is particularly pernicious. Any honest reading of the Koran (like most religious screeds) is offensive to all reason and decency.
Being called a “fucking terrorist” is NOT as bad as being called the “N” word or a “Chink” or what have you – people are born with their ethnicity, you can change your stupid beliefs if you choose too, but you are too weak. Clearly the people you encountered were losers, but in a sense so are you. Sorry, harsh truth.
You’re entitled to your opinions as I am to mine. For you to think a religion of over 2 billion adherents wordwide is a “stupid belief system” is a perfect example of your level of ignorance.
Fariha, billions of people once believed that the world was flat (and many still do). Billions of people once believed that serious diseases were caused by ‘curses’ and not bacteria or virus’s (and many still do). The fact that billions of people believe something does not make it true, or any more likely to be true – and it is sad you believe that argument to be convincing, but were you a real thinker you would not have your head wrapped in a sheet to appease a sky God dreamed up thousands of years ago. I am sorry Fariha, but it’s true – Islam, to any thinking person, is a stupid belief system. You do not have the courage (as many other courageous former-Mulsims do) to see it, but I do. And I do not appreciate the attempts of people like you to draw false equivalence between race and the suffering connected to racism, with the bigotry experienced by people who believe in frivolous garbage like Allah creating the Earth or Mohammed flying to heaven on the back of a horse (ha!). Discriminating against Muslims is no more serious than discriminating against Scientologists – all of your religions are ridiculous – do not complain when you are called names because of your adherence to them. Sorry you were treated rudely, but do not be deceived by the sheep plastering positive comments on your blog – thinking people disagree with you, most usually in private.
Give up Steven. No one is listening to you.
While Steven’s comments are harsh, there is a kernel of truth to what he says: the mechanism of faith is dehumanizing and reckless. In this day and age, accepting bronze-age texts (whether Jewish, Christian or Islamic) as divinely inspired is simply a bad choice that has nothing to do with racial equality. Faith requires one to accept facts without using their innate faculty of reason, and while in some cases the outcome is benign, the world is filled with instances of people committing terrible acts in the name of their faith.
Extreme nationalism nearly tore the world apart in the early 20th century and the human race needed to make a concentrated intellectual effort to disprove nationally adopted theories of one ethnicity being superior to another, and thankfully, racism has been relegated to the minds of the ignorant. Sadly, religions foster the same type of divisiveness by implying one group to be chosen by god versus another. This type of rational is ridiculous and we as educated people should have the right to call it out for what it is without being branded as racists.
Disturbing to say the least!
Would like to publish your sharing on http://www.TheCanadianDaily.ca
John Malloy
Thank you John. Please check your email.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have met you in person Fariha and I think you’re a warm, caring, gracious and genuine person. It’s upsetting to me that someone would treat you like this, especially in front of children. I’m so glad you shared this story.
Thank you. You’re so kind.
My heart breaks for you reading this. Makes me think back too to one of my students who was a refugee from Iraq (he and his family had to flee after his family was attacked and his brother shot down in the street) being bullied immediately after 9/11 simply because of where he was from. I just don’t understand people who behave like that. I can never fully understand the pain you must go through in being treated like this but I’m so honoured to know you and I’m so proud of you for writing this post.
When my kids were young and a child was being mean, I would explain that there are nice kids and sometimes mean kids. The mean kids a good part of the time learned their behaviours from their parents (or the parents treated the child badly, and the child had no other way to express him/hwrself). I feel for their child because he/she has just learned how to be a racist. I hope one day we can stop this because it is simply beyond appalling.
That is absolutely true and an excellent point. Despite this unfortunate incident, it’s very important to remind ourselves and our children that this was an individual who acted in this manner and it is not reflective of a larger group of people.
I’m so glad you wrote this – that you finally decided to no longer “stay silent” although, I understand why you did, we put our children first. – I wrote a similar (less traumatic) post today regarding my own experiences with bigotry. Thank you for this read.
Thank you Calamity for your kind words. Unfortunately incidents like this happen all too often and it’s important to raise awareness and create a dialogue.
wow♥!
Sounds like you were terrorizing them. You dress like you’re not from here. Don’t give every reason for someone to be racist and then try to play victim.
This is a repeated scenario where someone thinks southern Ontario is no longer in Canada. Maybe she was on her phone. Maybe you’re a saint. Maybe you’re just another victim in evil whities campaign to trample on all you noble savages but …ya no.
More than likely your kids and her kids were being kids and you went to management and cried and he said ‘aw crap…this chick will cry racism and call her friends at the Star to shame us’ and booted the people presenting themselves as Canadian.
Maybe you’re a very nice woman but outlining this so one sided and with the usual implied racism and bias peppered in so many blogs and editorials by people still assimilating to our culture makes this nonsense.
All you wanted here was a pity party aimed at backing your perspective. The reality is your perspective has a shelf life that is almost done and for your kids sake it would be good to drop the resentment of white people. I’m young and we’re done listening to the BS.
Eric I thank you for taking the time to leave a comment but you may want to re-read the blog post first. This incident did not take place in Southern Ontario, it took place in Quebec where discrimination against visible minorities is rampant since the Charter of Values debate arose. Also if you read carefully you’ll note it was another visible minority who called me a terrorist. Not a white person, not that it should make a difference or make it any more or less acceptable in a theatre crowded with children or otherwise.
I dress like I am from here because I am. A piece of cloth does not make me any less Canadian than the next person.
fariha. hope you and your husband spoke to the children after. and if you have, kindly share with us what they thought about it and how they are doing. to me nothing is more important than the children in this scheme of things.
hate to say this but you’re at fault as well and you’re only fault was that you aggravated her more by asking her to keep the phone away or whatever your polite request was. that ignorant soul was carrying a red flag all along. when she first passed a comment on how ‘annoying’ the boys were, it was better to let her use the phone. sometimes we have to pick and choose our battles.
now to eric and steven and those who call themselves atheists. fariha is not forced by anyone to wear a white sheet on her head. she does because her intellect tells her to. it brings comfort and joy to her life. yes. a piece of cloth can do that to people. what makes you come to this conclusion that all muslim women are forced to cover their heads because of their religion is beyond me. fariha will never tell her scantily clad friends to cover their heads or their legs or whatever, then nobody should poke their nose in her business. and, not all muslim women cover their heads either.
however, if you want to understand the science behind covering ones head, find someone who can volunteer to cover their heads for forty days. a social experiment. test the waters, see what they think about it and how you feel. you wont know until you try it yourself.
thanks for reading
Please view http://www.misophonia.com. People with misophonia may be unable to contain their rage. Hearing people munching on popcorn and slurping their drinks are one of my triggers and probably that lady’s trigger who called the kids annoying. People with misophonia HATE, yes HATE with RAGE certain sounds. You may not understand what that person was going through.
I read this story and I am sorry for what has happened to you. But as in the past, people that came to Canada changed their names (pronunciation or spelling) so they were not identified with the culture/country in which they came…my family did. i.e. Germans & Jews in WWII
They came to Canada where they can live free and say, and do, what they want.
You can wear what you want but people are going to say whatever they want…Fat *itch, ugly whore, wop, slant eyes, ni**ger, ect… You can take the scarf off. It’s your choice…if you want to be different from the ‘typical culture’ you will be harassed. We all are. Get over it. Fit in or Handle it. Stop Whining.
One thing in your article that you have not addressed is helping others understand, why? As a women… & the big question: Why as a Canadian women?…. Why do you need this? You don’t need clothing to share your religious beliefs. Stick to your own identity, not a religious identity, find the strength to stand up for your beliefs. Because we as Canadian women came a long way baby and we are not going back, to allow religion or men, to decide what we wear or do.
Fariah, thank you so much. I know this was posted over a year ago, but the fight against racist notions surrounding followers of Islam persists. Personally, I am not religious but I see many people affected by the issues you point out here. I have been attacked because of my lack of religion before, so I identify with being judged and ridiculed for a belief system which shouldn’t affect anyone but yourself. Thank you, and I hope you can continue to spread your story and message because it is one that needs publicity and deserves attention!
Thank you so much for your support and taking the time to leave a comment Matthew. I agree, everyone has the right to their own opinions/belief systems so long as they do not hurt or insult others.
When she called you a racist. You say, “how ironic” , ” she didn’t get a good look at me in the dark “. So you are implying that, if she had got a good look at you and seen that you are NOT white, she wouldn’t have called you a racist.
So you think, only White people can be racist ? Non White Hijab wearing muslims like you cannot be racist ?
Ofcouse it was wrong of her to call you racist, as you didn’t do anything racist. But to assume that she shouldn’t have called you racist as you are not white and look/dress a certain way, is just plain ignorant.